baby gloves.

Ive been handling this breakup with a lot of caution.

Seriously.

So i sent that letter....it came straight from my heart. I have been letting everything go. Not like fuck it, just--oh well. The actuality of the situation doesn't hurt anymore. I'm numb. He would lead me to believe that my mind has been playing tricks on me this entire time but he continues to prove my point.

2 weeks ago (his ex-chicks birthday) he sparks a minor argument , then disappears for the entire weekend. No calls, texts--none of that shit. I didn't call him either, i drank. I threw back large amounts of gin all weekend. Alone. Then i had my epiphany and i put it in writing so i wouldn't forget it. When he did decide to contact me, he wasn't met with anger and hostility. For what? I just started observing him.

You know what this nigger does? He calls me last Friday at 6am. I don't get out of my bed until after 7:30. He says that his homeboy asked him if a "young" female could stay a night at his house because she had nowhere to go and he instantly said yes. Little red flags went up everywhere. He proceeds to tell me that he has been up talking to her all night and he just had to call me. He really emphasized how childlike this girl was although she said she was 18. I told him to bring her to me and i would figure something out. He really played on my sympathy with this one.

What he failed to say was this girl was damn near my size. I couldn't fucking believe it. A two minute conversation let me now she was a bit on the slow side. Apparently she had ran away from her group home. Plus she was bloody. I had to buy her some napkins. He seemed to be extremely concerned with his grown ass woman and i could not understand why. I decide to walk her to the store to get her pads and had an idea. I see the neighborhood hustler and i decide to chill with them until the store opens. One guy in particular, I'm kinda digging. This young girl was extra friendly with everyone. I'm thinking, "where the fuck is this shy child Wally was talking about"? So while in on the stoop flirting she's off around the corner with a dude Ive only held one conversation (about peewee football). Just as i suspected, she is a lemon. Even these guys wouldn't take her!

I ended up having to take her to work with me. I damn sure wasn't leaving her in my house. During this time i contacted her case worker, her supervisor and her supervisor as well. Somebody had to tell me what the fuck was up with this child. I mean sure i was a foster child and i ran away constantly but there was alot wrong with this situation. According to her social work she has the mental capacity of a ten year old. Damn. She is a constant run away and she left after getting back to the group home from the emergency room. Furthermore, she was diagnosed with an std as well as pneumonia. Sham Fucking Wow. She didn't even wait for her prescriptions to be filled. She packed a dufflebag and rolled out.

Long story short---i had a talk with her and she went back to the shelter. Wally insisted--pretty much demanded that i give her his number in case she needed someone to "talk" to. I replied, "that's why i gave her my number". He got pissed so i gave her his number and left it alone. Oh well. That was Friday morning.

That night we were supposed to go out. I got all sexy and everything. He got here from work and feigned tiredness. He was exhausted from the lack of sleep the night before. I say okay. Around 1:30 in the morning he hopes up and says he needs to take a walk. Yes, a walk. While he "walked", i drank. Two hours later when he returned, i was drunk. Again, no anger or hostility, just oh well. When i woke up the next morning, i didn't even want to be next to him. When he left for work he left his house keys and some money to get there. I spend the rest of the afternoon with the hustler from around the corner.

Sunday we went to Atlantic City. One the way up i told him i didn't want to see him more than twice a week. He asked could he accrue days. Yup. That was that. I had a blast and I'm sure he did too. We just didn't together. I made sure he left with money and i did too. I shot craps at another table drinking screwdrivers. We ate dinner but i couldn't bear to sit across the table from him waiting for our meal courses so i went and sat at the bar while waiting for the next course. A guy made passes at me and purchased me drinks, i felt comfortable. Halfway through the main course he said he was full, left me with his credit card and returned to the casino.

I have only talked to him 3 times since then and i make my conversations as brief as possible. He's ready to cash in on his second day for this week and i don't even want to see him at this point. Its not that i don't want to see him but i really need the distance. I tried to talk to him.

My hustler friend is occupying my free time these days.