infidelity

This post is about cheating and things of that nature. Definitely random rambling...

1. Just because he cheats on you doesn't mean he doesn't love you.

I know it sounds crazy and even i have felt the insecurities of being cheated on by someone who professes his love for me but listen. I have also been the other woman, jumpoff, mistress, provider....whatever u want to call it. The last seven years of my life has been one big social experiment in the "the male....

It's no secret that I love men. I swear i do. All i want to do is make a man happy and in return he will make me happy. It was never more simple than when i was an escort. He pays for a slot of my time and in return i provide him companionship. No blurred line drawn with an emotional pencil only an agreement between man and woman.

"why do u cheat?"

That was my favorite question. Not asked with an air of judgment, just curiosity. I've received soo many answers that the could fall into catagories....

"because she doesn't do..."

"Because i like this...."

"because She cheated....."

"because i like different things...."

"Because i can"....

The best answer i have every received, the realest one of all came from my man. I asked him, "why do you stray?" Seriously, if im everything that you say i am, why go elsewhere? Is she WORTH it?

He simply said, "it's a dick thing." I love the fuck out of you. I only fuck her, i make love to you. I support you, honor you and always come back. Im always going to come back. She doesn't stay once im don'e and i always feel bad afterwards. It's a dick thing.

I NEVER expected to be on the receiving end of this conversation because i'm me! Seriously. When i decided to walk away he hits me with some shit that i had to take into consideration. My anger is not actually in the act, im hurt but my anger is in knowing. Which lead to #2.

2. If he respects you, you won't know.

i went through his phone and read the sent messages. I need to know the whole conversation. I confront him. Yes, i just invaded his "privacy" and found out something i don't want to know. Well, it shouldn't be there. The same way you want to know/feel that you are the only one, i do too. 3 months later, if i look again, there should be nothing because the argument is not why i went through your phone but why you hold on to shit like this. Its no I in WE and if there is a we, i should be able to look. And vice versa. There are no SECRETS as minimal as a cellphone.

I know all that sounds like a bunch of bs but i like to use my great granddaddy as an example. Him and my granny ma were married 75 years. Yes, damn near a century! Both of them lived to triple digits. At my granddaddy's funeral--a whole nother family was there as well. He had a mistress with whom he fathered babies, took care of and im quite sure he loved. His extra martial affairs were unknown to the ENTIRE family but i believe that granny ma knew. How could she not know? Because my great granddaddy was a MAN he took care of his family first as well as provided for anything that he created. He didnt divorce my granny for this other woman nor did he flaunt her around.

i dont know...just some random rambling about cheating.......did i mention that in the last 10 minutes of 2009, i confessed to an affair just to let him know.....ANYTHING YOU CAN DO, I CAN DO BETTER.