Today i register for Baller Alert ( balleralert.com ). I have been following their discussion in my google reader for about 9 months and i felt i was ready. Those chick are real (mostly). After registering, i posted my first topic entitled, "he kept cheating". The first reply presented some much needed reflection into my situation. She presented me with some question to ask myself and even reminded me that they we just my thoughts. Unfortunately, my mind is like puzzle pieces so i must write it out....
1.1. Are you in love with who he is NOW or who he was in the beginning? Im in love with who
i believe he can be. I don't know how to explain that but i am in love with him now more than i was was in the beginning
2. Why do you not think you can leave him after the betrayal? What is it that he gives you that you don't give yourself? Is he not human? Why will you not find his qualities in another? Remember that relationships are built over time, when you first met him, he didn't have any of you, he squandered his chance now take it away! If a friend keeps breaking the heel of your favourite pair of shoes, you don't let her keep borrowing them and you buying them right? Then why would you let someone do that with your heart? You only get one and it has NO price! Its not that i think that i cant leave him, its more like
why should I? Nothing that i can think of. Yes, he is human. I would definitely find these qualities
in another person.
3. Where do you want this relationship to be in 5 years, and where do you actually believe it is going? Is it the same place? Why or why not. In five years i would like for us to be married settling into
our first home. My son will be twelve by then and i would pray that our relationship (him) has
gained some maturity and sense of responsibility. I feel like its going nowhere because
he does want it to. I feel that he does not possess the necessary forethought to see it.
He doesnt want the responsibility of planning for a future.
4. What is your opinion of cheating? How much does it hurt you, him and the relationship? How about the other people involved?Im conflicted as far as how i feel about cheating.
A part of me feels like its wrong. Every time i cheated i felt bad afterwards and no matter
how good it was or what i gained that it just wasn't worth it. I also feel that males cheat.
Not ALL males cheat but the majority do. I was more hurt that he lied and i had to
find out another way than the act itself. Had i not known then i wouldn't be hurt but when i confronted him with my intuitions and he told me i was being insecure. Only to find out later that he indeed
was not being truthful..that hurt. I dont know about the other people involved. Not my
issue.
5. If your best friend came to you with this query, what would you say to her? The advice you give her is based only on pure love and concern for her well-being so apply it to yourself, cuz YOU should be your own best friend before you let him be one to you. I dont have a response to this, im still pondering.
6. What aspect of his cheating hurts you the most? You will find that it has nothing to do with the actual cheating but with the betrayal you feel. The qualities you want in a life partner are probably the same qualities he is lacking because of this constant cheating. Do you REALLY want that?!
You are correct, the betrayal hurts the most. Its like, "how could you?" and "why". I mean
I thought that we are better than that but his actions showed me otherwise. Its not just his
constant cheating i believe that he has learned. He has a larger problem that i am just starting to
understand which leads me to believe that we are not on the same path. Yes, he does lack some of
the qualities that i seek but he also possesses a lot of them as well.
This post gave me an opportunity to really et some feedback from an open form. The questions presented to me gave me a chance to reflect on the situation and not hold back. I know what i must do, i have known for a while but i just can bring myself to do it. That sucks.
1 comments:
sister don't mess with your health. If he keeps cheating you should let him go. There are too many sisters suffering cause they tried to stick around. Also remember you're raising a young kind and this isn't healthy for him to see either.
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